Knitter's Line--Do Not Cross Weekend Edition

Knitters from all over the world have submitted their very own Knitter's Line--Do Not Cross stories. As always, it's a hoot to read about other's tribulations and trials--because we all know that being a knitter or hand-crafter is a tough road to hoe--heh. At any rate, enjoy. I'll start with my own most recent story. The rest are from readers. I fiddled a little bit with the stories here, but for the most part, they ring true.

October 17th, 2007: Knitter is taken aside by a crazy pickle-eater perp who lives at the LYS on Tuesdays and Thursdays (the jury is still out about where she sits on the other days of the week although it has been said there's a coffee shop across town still trying to burn the coffee on her particular days). Perp informs knitter that it would be a much better idea if she pursued something else, not knit design. "You'll never make any money with your plain patterns; you need to add some pizazz, you know, a little fringe or maybe more stripes if you think someone is going to buy a pattern or two."

September 12, 2007 (and probably every single day somewhere in some knitter’s world): A know-it-all, which shall henceforth be named, “non-knitter who just doesn't get it” informs a sock knitter that they can buy a pack of three pair for six-fifty. Victim replies: “Yeah, I know, but the ones that cost six-fifty wouldn’t have this nifty fake jacquard pattern, now, would they?” (Amy sent this one.)

Katie in Wisconsin endured the nearly unforgivable on September 20th when two female suspects, a mother-daughter team ages 35 and 3, committed the unspeakable crime of using Expert Knitter and Doting Grandma’s gorgeous layette set for the soon-to-be-born baby brother as doll clothes. Not to mention another one of a kind cabled baby blanket designed by the grandma that the cat decided to take over. A confession was obtained via an e-mail “thank you” note, in which the elder suspect admitted the tragic fate of these precious family heirlooms. In her defense, she maintains that the cat is staying very “warm and cozy.” No word on whether or not the newborn baby brother will get the bedraggled hand-me-downs when he finally makes his appearance on the scene.

September 14, 2007: Victim reports she was knitting a sock while on lunch break. Suspect approached victim and stated: “You knit? I just can’t picture you knitting.” Victim checks the sharpness of her needles and realizes they aren’t as sharp as the new lace Addi’s and relaxes her hackles. (Mikki, stringattack.blogspot.com)

September 29th, 2007: Victim, male, age 19, encountered female suspect, age 56 or thereabouts (you never can tell) who needs some knitting help. He offers it, she snorts and requests female help, instead. Victim shrugs and purchases an extra sixteen skeins of the bulky hand-painted, and says "Lady, you don't know what you're missing." (Sorry, Aiden, I embellished your story.)

September 30, 2007: English knitter Penelope states she was approached for the thousandth time with the question, “Oh you knit? Do you make tea cosies?” Instead of slapping perps, she now insists they visit the Naughty Knits web site.

Comments

[Shannon B]

"you need to add some pizazz, you know, a little fringe or maybe more stripes if you think someone is going to buy a pattern or two."

Oh I love that: people like that make me laugh. I don't know - I find it endearing.

Mr. HalfSoledBoots is a man of few words. I know I've overembellished when I show him something and he pauses for a second before carefully saying: "Zippy."

[Soo]

Heh - there's nothing wrong with knitting tea cosies! Check this out and tell me you don't want to cast on immediately.... http://thingssoolikes.blogspot.com/2007/10/working-for-living.html

[Lynn]

The one with the socks gets me everytime. "Do you mean I can REALLY get my own socks for such an inexpensive price at the store? I had NO idea!"

[kelly]

Seriously? Waving off the rare male knitter? Blasphemy! Take her needles away!

I love these stories! Keep them up!

[Sam]

Not to say that there aren't any good experiences... I was knitting on a sock on dpns before class one day and an amazed classmate, eyes wide in amazement, proclaimed me a genius. Of course he must not come across many knitters, but it still felt nice. ^_^

[Heather]

Then we have this:

Twenty-something knitter comes into work one day, and slightly older co-worker sits are her desk and tell sher, "the guy you like? Must only like you 'cause you can knit. He must want handknit socks." Knitter checks her bag and notices there are no needles which to impale co-worker on, sighs, and starts her day.

[Dorothy]

Those are some pretty good stories. I must be pretty fortunate, I haven't had anyone get stupid with me yet.

[Mary Lou]

I was recently accosted by a large Bubba-like man on an airplaine with the you can buy socks at Target line. I looked at him and said. Yeah, three words for you - No -Toe- Seam. He nodded, and said. I can git behind that....

[Kate]

Maybe add some fun fur. Everbody loves fun fur, right?

*shudder*

I went to a craft fair on the weekend where it became obvious why people look at me funny when I say I knit. Fake feather ponchos, anyone?

I was knitting on my lunchbreak the other day when M, 18, saw me. His eyes almost popped out of his head, and his "are you knitting?!?!" was almost as amusing as the several expressions fighting for face-room at the same time. To his credit, he managed a very polite and non-judgemental conversation, once he recovered.

[marycatharine]

I recently agreed to knit a hoodie for a co-worker who then promptly said "Wow that must be boring"... but it seems he still wants a sweater. I'm thinking about knitting it three sizes to small.

[Aidan/Rodger]

Alas, if I could afford Bulky Handpainted yarn I would probably not be standing around making lattes most of my day.

[Jean S]

ah, the pickle chick! I love the pickle chick--she is some kind of odd.

[Tammy]

I hope you told Ms. Pickle Perp, "It's okay because people seem to want to buy more than just a pattern or two!"

[Nancy]

Can you stand one more? My sister wants me to knit a lace table cloth to fit her 6ft long table - the reason I should knit it? and I quote
"'They' want so much money for a bunch of holes, it shouldn't take YOU too long to make something with that many holes in it, I think I'll pick you up a thingy of yarn next time I go to Wal-Mart"

[Jen Scott]

My perp was my own little brother who said, "You knit? Isn't that for old ladies?" I made him call his girlfriend and ask how many of her friends knit. "A lot of them," she says.

Take that, bub.

[Knitting Nettie]

I am crying in my wine for Kate!!! Sincerely just aching for the gal....oh my!

[Knitting Nettie]

Oh! Oh! I just thought of one...last Christmas my brother in law asked me if I was "still knitting". I said "yup!" and then he says "That's cool, I bet you can save a lot of money by knitting your own sweaters, is that why you do it?"

[Dee]

Katie, all my sympathy and support go out to you this a.m. You have been wronged in a most terrible way. There will be an extra crown for you in knitters' heaven, I am sure.

[Suna]

Tammy's story totally cracked me up. I charge extra for holes, yep.

My story is that once I was sincerely informed that my hand-dyed silk poncho would have looked a lot better and be so much easier to care for if I had just used that lovely Homespun stuff that comes in SO many colors.

Yep, and I'd get that nice sauna effect out of it, too, so maybe I'd lose weight.

[Jen]

Except when it comes to directions where I must look like I know everything, I apparently am not one of those people that looks receptive to conversations from strangers. It's very, very rare that people talk to me about my knitting, and if they do they're usually other knitters or people who are genuinely interested.

I pity the fool who ever says something dumb to me though. ;)

[Melinda]

I was seaming up my bella sweater the other day and my MIL walks in and says" Oh is that your sweater? It looks so small." I so wanted to say " Yeah it might fit on one boob since according to you I must be the size of our house!!" I am 5'6" and weight 139lbs. I have a small frame and work out 4 to 5 times a week.

[Rhonda the Stitchingnut]

"three pair for six-fifty"?

Who knew?

And there's the comments I get ... "you spend what? for socks? are you nuts?" Yup, I am. And my feet are happy too.

[Lacy]

How about listing some snappy comebacks in your next blog entry. We knitters sure could use a list of snappy comebacks.

[Jeannie (in Korea, for now)]

A good friend has said to me many times: "I don't know why you spend money buying wool yarn. Ready made acrylic sweaters and gloves are just as warm and cheaper too. I've tried to explain to her the joy in knitting, the chance to have something different from everyone else/etc. No changing her mind.

So, I finally asked her "IF SHE HAD ANY wool gloves or sweaters?" Her answer? "No."

*No, she's not a knitter.. how did you know?

Last winter, I finally knitted her a pair of 100% wool mittens.. she grudingly admitted that they were 'sort of warm.'

SIGH..

[TurboNancy]

These comments remind me a lot of the comments I used to get when my kids were little and we homeschooled. There were two kinds of commenters: The Curious and The Judgmental. I tried to educate The Curious and ignored The Judgmental. Life's too short to let The Judgmental spoil your fun!